Funk

Hey everyone,

Have been battling a "funk" during this summer program and am just now trying to point a finger at the funk's source. After I went on a week-long solo beach vacation, it seems I returned to Indiana, but all my enthusiasm for health stayed behind on the beach.  It's not that I have completely fallen off the wagon with eating or working out; I'm just not doing either as well or thoroughly or with as much joy as I did during the first 12 weeks of BTWG. Feeling a little apathetic and lacking initiative in health matters. Walking the walk, talking the talk, and feeling strangely numb through it all.

Strange because all is going well overall in life...work has reached a sort of equilibrium. I stopped teaching one of my yoga classes to give me more time "for myself" and my wellness. I've been in more contact with friends than the first part of the year. I've been able to spend more time outside gardening which I adore. And yet, my drive for wellness has gone from verve to non-energetic. 

SO, in pondering this, I have to come a mini-conclusion: while on vacation with me, myself and I, I found myself REALLY enjoying it. No schedule to follow whatsoever. No one that I had to call or talk to. No dogs to feed. No grass to mow, house to tidy. No pressing work matters aside from a few things I handled here and there. If I wanted to go for a walk, I did without checking a clock. If I wanted to eat, I did so. Swim in the pool? I did. Look for shells, why not - nothing else scheduled. I didn't have one thing I HAD to do. I didn't miss anything or anyone from my life back home.

I even had a kind invitation from an older man I met in the produce aisle of the grocery (who narrates the Blue Angels aviation show) to visit the base and attend a practice session for the Blue Angels in Pensacola.  Wow - I thought - would love to see that!  And then that Self who is lacking "oomph" said, "That means I'd have to be at the base at 6:45am and I'd have to leave at 6:00am to get there and that means I'd have a schedule and if I commit to go, then I have to go and I don't want to feel like I have to do one damn thing while vacationing so no, thank you."

So, I didn't take him up on the kind offer.  That all said (where is she going with this, you ask?), I think I'm working through this complex question of: what am I really committed to, professionally and personally?  And confronting that question begs the more burdensome question of: what am I not committed to.  Exploring these questions means I also have to face the consequences of acknowledging them and giving them voice and possibly acting on them. 

So, why my focus on health has fallen off a tad during this introspection, I sure as hell don't know. BUT, I also have no doubt that I'll be rebound - always have, anticipate I always will.

My past 4 Saturday's have been filled with activities outside BTWG recently so I've missed several yoga classes and meetings, but NOT this upcoming Saturday! Looking forward to seeing you all then and storing up on the good vibes that come from you all.  

Vacation

Hello everyone. Get your envy out of your system when I share that I AM AT THE BEACH!!! Yes, staring at the ocean right now from my kitchen table where I type.  Ahhhh......so now that your envy has dissipated, let mine rear its ugly head.

I am envious of all of you folks who committed to the the summer program and who entered Week 1 full throttle and gave it your all and have aching butt muscles to prove it.  I, on the other hand, am feeling very fortunate that Chris did not base entry into this summer program per this last week's performance...if he did, I would have received a big old F ! Well, maybe not an F but definitely a D.  During Week 1, in preparation for vacation (getting work and home where it all needed to be before I left), I did a greatly reduced workout routine, and my eating, while nutritious, was definitely higher in calorie totals than it should have been. 

So, that's the not so great news. BUT the good news (as there always is) is that I am now on vacation with very little garbage floating about inside my head regarding work/home commitments so I am really able to enjoy myself!!!!  Just me down here - no dogs to feed, cats to stroke, no to-do list for home, and I am only checking in with work a couple  times....PERFECT!  Weather has been a nice mixture of sun and some clouds...temperatures in the mid to upper 80s. I will begin the 12-1/2 hour drive home on Sunday.

Went to a great pilates class on Tuesday and plan to visit this teacher again on Thursday. Went into the Orange Beach rec center's weight room and refused to be intimidated by all the late 1980's clunky weight equipment. I did spend about 30 minutes too much time in the sun yesterday so I have some sunburn that's a little achy - oh, except for my face which I lathered in 70 sunscreen so now I have this bi-racial color thing going on. Collarbones up = pale. Collarbones down = red.  Sorta funny looking.

As for running, there's a lovely paved running trail through the backwoods about a mile from shore...the path is about 7 miles long all told. I'm used to having to watch for snakes and alligators while on this trail - but OH MY, those two things are nothing compared to the biting flies who followed me for 3 miles, nipping at my sweaty, tasty flesh!  Good God, talk about imparting a sting....and talk about a way to make you run FASTER!  I could have even given Chris and Rob a run for their money with those damn flies biting my neck, legs and ass! 

I immediately went to the store and bought some Xtreme Sportsman bug spray, supposedly organic, but I still get a little nervous when a back panel reads :  "This product has not been registered by the US EPA. This product qualifies for exemption from regulation LOTS-O-NUMBERS and because it is a minimum pesticide."  A minimum pesticide I am going to coat myself with. It goes on to say that it won't harm plastics or nylon products....well, thank God for that. It might change my DNA but your running shorts won't discolor.

The ocean is a bit angry today. I am going out to walk the beach and see what wonderful treasures have been carried to shore. 

Off to the condo this Friday

Hey Everyone,

For the past 2 weeks, I experimented with NOT keeping a food log but instead mentally tallying up calories vs. activity. Pleased to say that I was able to maintain my weight, despite some food choices that weren't ideal here and there. Still worked out but not as hard as during the 12-week program. Sorta felt like a slacker, but really enjoyed NOT having the "structure" in terms of logging food/exercise for a couple weeks. It's funny -- I pretty much continued the BTWG program these past 2 weeks without the logging and felt soooooo much more relaxed about it all....showed me that I was self-imposing some pressure on myself during the 12 weeks. Not necessarily bad pressure, just pressure.

And I anticipate some of that self-pressure will come back with our summer school program -- although so far (Day 1) it hasn't.

I had a hard decision to make recently with regard to my "free time" of which I had NONE and was feeling it big time. So, after a few weeks of pondering my options, I gave up teaching yoga on Sundays.  This was my first Sunday not teaching and I felt reborn by the gift of this extra time now added to my schedule.  Talk about listening to what your heart is saying and then realizing that you did exactly what was right for you - what a great feeling.  

So, summer program goals....here they are:

1) tone up that midsection more; while I've lost some jiggle in the tummy, I still have some shake going on mid-section that I'd love to see firm up

2) continue running and increasing distance, and continue to grow my appreciation of it

3) really throw myself more into the meditation practice and just surrender to it

4) affirmations....I've always been a person who self-affirms naturally, but now I want to affirm some very specific thoughts/goals and see where those leads me

5) to continue to realize that taking time for myself and slowing down now and then is part of the self-care I deserve and need, WHICH leads me to.....

I AM GOING TO THE BEACH THIS FRIDAY for 8 days!! Yes, down to our condo in Orange Beach, AL where I can sit on our terrace and stare at the ocean, feel sand between my toes, and let it all go. (Shameless plug: condo is available for rent! Check it out at www.sunswept.com, click on virtual tour, then unit 204)  My biggest quandary about this trip is this: 1) do I take my little dog Tucker with me?  I think the answer is leaning to "no" since, dear as he is to me, he does require energy and my goal is to recharge while down there.

I just can't wait to be there!!!  But for now, I have to go to bed....it's past my bedtime!