Have been battling a "funk" during this summer program and am just now trying to point a finger at the funk's source. After I went on a week-long solo beach vacation, it seems I returned to Indiana, but all my enthusiasm for health stayed behind on the beach. It's not that I have completely fallen off the wagon with eating or working out; I'm just not doing either as well or thoroughly or with as much joy as I did during the first 12 weeks of BTWG. Feeling a little apathetic and lacking initiative in health matters. Walking the walk, talking the talk, and feeling strangely numb through it all.
Strange because all is going well overall in life...work has reached a sort of equilibrium. I stopped teaching one of my yoga classes to give me more time "for myself" and my wellness. I've been in more contact with friends than the first part of the year. I've been able to spend more time outside gardening which I adore. And yet, my drive for wellness has gone from verve to non-energetic.
SO, in pondering this, I have to come a mini-conclusion: while on vacation with me, myself and I, I found myself REALLY enjoying it. No schedule to follow whatsoever. No one that I had to call or talk to. No dogs to feed. No grass to mow, house to tidy. No pressing work matters aside from a few things I handled here and there. If I wanted to go for a walk, I did without checking a clock. If I wanted to eat, I did so. Swim in the pool? I did. Look for shells, why not - nothing else scheduled. I didn't have one thing I HAD to do. I didn't miss anything or anyone from my life back home.
I even had a kind invitation from an older man I met in the produce aisle of the grocery (who narrates the Blue Angels aviation show) to visit the base and attend a practice session for the Blue Angels in Pensacola. Wow - I thought - would love to see that! And then that Self who is lacking "oomph" said, "That means I'd have to be at the base at 6:45am and I'd have to leave at 6:00am to get there and that means I'd have a schedule and if I commit to go, then I have to go and I don't want to feel like I have to do one damn thing while vacationing so no, thank you."
So, I didn't take him up on the kind offer. That all said (where is she going with this, you ask?), I think I'm working through this complex question of: what am I really committed to, professionally and personally? And confronting that question begs the more burdensome question of: what am I not committed to. Exploring these questions means I also have to face the consequences of acknowledging them and giving them voice and possibly acting on them.
So, why my focus on health has fallen off a tad during this introspection, I sure as hell don't know. BUT, I also have no doubt that I'll be rebound - always have, anticipate I always will.
My past 4 Saturday's have been filled with activities outside BTWG recently so I've missed several yoga classes and meetings, but NOT this upcoming Saturday! Looking forward to seeing you all then and storing up on the good vibes that come from you all.